eating disorder

Leave the country. The family. The firends. The pressure. No guilt. Am I fine now? Every visit to "home" is a visit to that guilt. Am I happy here? Was I happy there? Here there's not guilt, still not happy. I felt close to happy there. Does it really have to do with the city? Or the people around me? I disgust myself, it doesn't matter how far I travel, I will always hate myself. Maybe for the first few months I'll be fine. but once I feel "at home" it will all come back. How can I make it go away? Constant travelling? Never feel like at home.